Becoming Me
Becoming Me
25 years ago, I
left my childhood home heartbroken. I left behind all that I knew, a lifetime
of happy memories, a great childhood and countless friendships. My mum packed
up our whole life neatly into a truck and we moved across the province to a
much smaller town than the one I grew up in.
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Mum & Me - 1987 |
Now, let me be
honest with you, there was nothing wrong with this new town. It was all that I
mentioned it to be and in fact it proved to be more than that. The problem was with
me, I was a rebellious teen, who was too opinionated, too stubborn and often
got into a whole lot of trouble. (How my
parents had so much of patience not to knock the rebel outta me, I have no idea! But as an adult, I would have lost my patience with me long before I had gotten so
bad!) But this time I messed up royally and leaving home seemed like I was running
away from what I did. Even though I showed great potential and had a bright
future ahead of me, a whole series of bad choices and mistakes led me down to
what seemed to be the ending of all that bright future kinda talk...
I grew up in an
incredible home. My parents made sure we were short of nothing. So how could I
take an awesome start to life and mess it up is beyond my understanding. But
that’s what I did. I took all that my parents worked so hard for and threw it
away. In an instant my whole future was changed. One mistake lead to many more mistakes.
Mistakes which I could not run away from and worst of all, mistakes my family
knew nothing about.
Jump to one year
later I was an even bigger mess. I’m pretty sure by then even my parents had
given up hope on me, no amount of counselling or therapy could really get me back on my
feet. Eventually, months later I found what I was looking for. In the very town
I truly resented, I met an amazing young man who was at the right place at the
right time. He ended up spending a lot of time and patience (Lord, bless his
soul…) showing me a new way of looking at life. Looking at things from a
different perspective, without condemnation but in truth. He bought me my first
Bible, taught me to pray and worship and directed me into the House of the Lord,
the only place I could truly find what I was looking for.
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Deshni - 2001 |
This young man introduced
me to Jesus. The reason I gave my heart to Jesus was because peace was hard to
find at that point, and I found my peace in Jesus. I also found sanctification,
redemption and more importantly I found forgiveness in Him. My new clean slate did not start when I left
my hometown, my new clean slate began when I gave my broken heart to Jesus.
Jump 4 years
later I had a good stable job and ended up marring that amazing young man who gave
up his time to help me gain a new lease on life. (Japheth, you’ll never know
how grateful I am to God for sending you to me.)
Our life is a
strange thing. It’s a series of events that ultimately moulds us into the
people we are. The many experiences we go through and the consequences of the
choices we make, turn us into the people we become. If I look back now, I don’t
regret what happened. I think I could have made better choices, but even then,
had I made any different decisions I will not be where I am right now. God knew
exactly what I would do, what my decisions would be and who I was to
become. Even before I was born, God knew
what was going to happen… He knew the end before it all started.
‘Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you,
before you were born, I set you apart, I appointed you as a prophet to the
nations.’
Jeremiah 1:5
This journey I’m
on started 25 years ago when I left my childhood home heartbroken, but I thank
the Lord that He healed my brokenness and mended my heart. Despite all my
shortcomings and wrongdoing, He made me who I am, uniquely different, set apart
and His treasured possession.
So, I hear you ask, Deshni what on Earth happened? What could you have possibly done, that messed you up so badly? Well, that, is a story for another day…
All my Love...
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